And despite everything in-between, life implodes. Not quite an explosion because no one can see the destruction that occurred. I can’t even see it, I can only feel it, along with it’s jagged pain. I’m in a vicious cycle of, ‘fuck woman’, to ‘I’m lonely’ followed by ‘it’s only going to be her’. And then it repeats itself.
I saw through everything the next day when all that stuff made me check. Should have been able to spot the tactical grammatical errors. Not cool.
The story goes three pictures right, down three pictures to the left (from the top of the blog)
You said something along the lines of not knowing what to suggest and that you felt bad and wished you could help.
So, thank you for the kindness of that it’s nice when people are open. I mean it’s good to be, unfortunately I think I’ve partly been pretty closed. I really lack the desire to leave my apartment except to go to work. I only work because it’s the only means to survive in this conformed system we live in. I can’t wait for the collapse, but the lack of compassion in my life is getting to me. I miss having intimate conversations about life and feeling what another person is healing. I was doing good, but I let someone back in again thinking they had changed or were going to buy into the process. It happened again though, she just entered and exited my life again, knowing she could go back to compassion, conversations, and mostly feeling something with someone. What hurt more was she knew it’s what I missed and how much it would hurt if she walked out and she did. Now she’s gone again and doesn’t talk to me and my only means of trying to feel her well being was this website. Now she’s AWOL, or on some sort of social media break. She said she’s changing so that’s good, I really wish I could tell her how proud I am. So really the only thing that would make me feel like life is worth giving a damn about, is that one person. So sadly, even with you being open, you wish you could help, but you can’t, because you’re not her. She didn’t know it, but I gave her a key to my human self back in the day. It’s forever hers, and whoever she ends up with. Their love will have to be my love, because I will love the fact that she’s loved and someones making her happy.